Is marriage still what it used to be?

FBattenfeld & KReegen

       For centuries, arranged marriages have been an important part of Indian society, and they still are today. In 80% of the cases, the marriages are arranged by the parents. They first look for a suitable match for their son or daughter, and then the boy and girl are made so see each other. If they happen to like each other, they start dating for a while, before the wedding takes place. Usually, both of them answer with "Yes" or "No" on the first date. In love marriages, the girl and the guy also both need to get their fathers' approval before the wedding. If the girl ever got married without her fathers's approval, it would be difficult for her younger sisters to find a match. When finding a match for the daughter, social status is very important. At the wedding ceremony, the bride's father is required to give expensive gifts to the relatives of the groom, known as dowry. Even though dowry is illegal, it still continues today, and it is intimidating for a boy to get a bride without dowry. This shows the difference to the process of marriage in our coutry. The person you end up marrying doesn't have to "buy you" by paying a dowry, and you can marry whoever you want, and you don't need your parents approval to marry someone. These differences in the process of marriage and dating in the United States and India show the Tug of War between the two countries. Years ago, marriages used to be arranged competely, and the girl had to marry whoever her parents chose for her to marry. Today, people still don't have the choice of who they want to marry but they can refuse to marry the person their parents choose for them so their parents have to go look for a new match for their kid.

 This is a picture of a traditional wedding ceremony. This was an arranged marriage, even though both bride and groom still had a say in wether or not they wanted to marry the person or someone else their parents chose for them.

In costrast to love marriages in the United States and other western countries, love marriages in India are very rare. Even if two people are in love and want to get married, they need to get their parents' approval first.

The old man on the left is the husband's father, then obviously the bride and the groom next to her. The husband's father and the husband surrounding the bride is symbolic and shows that they are accepting her into the family after she pays the dowry. Also, sitting next to the groom would be the bride's father, which also shows that he is accepting the groom into his family.

Video of a traditional indian wedding ceremony - Don't watch the whole thing, it gets kinda lame after a while.

Skit: No Dowry - No Husband

[[A man comes to talk to the father of the girl his son is in love with]]

Guy's father: Hello my dear friend. How are you?

Girl's father: Good day! What brings you here?

Guy's father: I came to talk to you about my son. We are looking for a wife for him, and we were thinking of your daughter Aranie. They are about the same age and we want them to get married. Do I have your appoval to have them date? They might just fall in love with each other at first sight.

Girl's father: You know, you are a dear friend to me, and I would love to know that my daughter is with a son of a great friend of mine. So here is mine and my wife's approval. When should we make them date?

Guy's father: My dear friend, before we talk about dating, I hope you know that you will have to pay a high dowry for all of our relatives. They will be expecting expensive gifts for the wedding ceremony, you do know that right?

Girl's father: How much will they be expecting? You know we are not doing so well right now. I don't know if I will be able to afford expensive gifts for every one of your relatives. I know you have a big family and you know you have more money than me. I don't know what they will be expecting -  I don't know what YOU are expecting of me - but I doubt I will be able to meet your requirements, I'm sorry. On the other hand, your son is in love with my daughter, and they will be happy together. Isn't that more important than the gifts you will receive?

Guys father: My friend, I am sorry, and I know our children would be happy together, but you must understand that it would be a great humiliation for my family if the bride of my son brought no gifts and no dowry with her.

Girl's father: Ok. seriously. If your son will be happy all his life for being married to my daughter, why does it matter how much money I pay you for your son? What if he will never find a girl he loves like my daughter and he won't be as happy as he is with her? Doesn't his happiness mean anything to you?

Guy's father: Of course I care about my son and want him to be happy, and I would love to have you as my brother-in-law, but I can't accept a bride for my son that won't bring any dowry with her and risk my reputation for that..I'm sorry but I will have to look for another girl that will bring a higher dowry with her.

Girl's father: Dear friend, I get your point, however I do not understand how you can be so selfish and not care about what your son wants. Can't you see that he is in love with my daughter and that she is the only girl he wants? How can money matter this much to you?

Guy's father: I'm sorry, but it's my reputation and I can't risk all of what I've accomplished in the last years by marrying my son to a poor girl. I will go now. I'll see you around. Good night.

Girl's father: This is your decision, but don't forget about what your son wants. Good night.

Sources:

  http://funnyjoke.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/image012.jpg

http://www.dateculture.com/dating/dating-and-marriage-customs-in-northern-india/

http://www.thewildlifeexperience.org/images/misc/weddings_1.jpg

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